During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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