it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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