i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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