can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Randomize
