i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
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