nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
