he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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