I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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