Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
