I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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