I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
