I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
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