Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
She bit a glass in half.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
