my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Randomize
