Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize