I think my vagina is haunted
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
