The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
