dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize