the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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