I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
