So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
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