forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
My balls are so social today.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
