I want to make a zoo with you.
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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