So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
