i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
