Michael Bay diarrhea
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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