So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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