the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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