Who wears a wallet chain?!
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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