Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
