Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
