Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
