D3 body, D1 cock
Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
