im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Randomize
