i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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