If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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