I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
