Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
