I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Randomize
