Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
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