Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(815): View more from Illinois

Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.

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(424): View more from California

I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed

Fav 9 5312 1483
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(907): View more from Alaska

I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.

Fav 13 6080 1154
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(269): View more from Michigan

I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.

Fav 14 1556 5099
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him

Fav 4 2786 1047
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(612): View more from Minnesota

rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.

Fav 12 1537 796
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(405): View more from Oklahoma

I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.

Fav 19 1035 1515
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(971): View more from Oregon

just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..

Fav 0 193 104
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(218): View more from Minnesota

You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.

Fav 0 94 59
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