tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Just heard my neighbor say "I'm just gonna lay down in a coma until someone comes into my room and hands me a beer." He's got his priorities straight
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
unless you have a dick and you were thinking of chopping that off
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
