she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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