glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
