Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
