thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
