I forgot how hot balto sounded
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
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