i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Randomize
