You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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