If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
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