Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
