How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
