Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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