You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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