my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
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