Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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