I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
