i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
Randomize
