1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
