Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
