i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
We're too hungover to prance.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
