Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
