I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
