Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
