There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize