he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
