You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
