I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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