apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
