the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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