got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
