i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
