You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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