Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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