Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Randomize