see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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