It's just like the Real World with babies
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
