I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
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