I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
