best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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