did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Randomize
