well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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