I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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