i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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