You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I didn't notice because vodka
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
Randomize
