I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
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