I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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