I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
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