I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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