her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Oh trust me, i am. It's like magic, but instead of rabbits and doves its orgasms- He just keeps pulling them out of nowhere.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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