what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Randomize
