Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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