he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
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