I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
Randomize
