I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
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