Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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