When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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