3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
i am craving dick and cupcakes
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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