when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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