do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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