i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
