Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
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