we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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