he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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