The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
