He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Randomize
