After last night, I could never be a politician.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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