I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
