god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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