Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
