I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Randomize
