My room smells like vodka and shame
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
