it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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