hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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