pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
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