1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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