I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Randomize
