im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
