My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
