there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
