walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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