Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Randomize
