You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
