Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Randomize
