my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
