There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
