Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
